


Relax, I'm Never Late

by Uriellyodd



Category: Daniel Howell - Fandom, Phan, Phil Lester - Fandom, dan and phil
Genre: Chocolate, M/M, Sad, Suicide mention, didn't mean to hit ya in the feels, self harm mention, slight angst, sorry - Freeform, triggering, very short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-09 21:32:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11677485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Uriellyodd/pseuds/Uriellyodd
Summary: Dan Howell was never late. Even in death.





	Relax, I'm Never Late

**Author's Note:**

> hi yes hello it's me Uriellyodd here ^_^   
> This is my first work, so if y'all could give me some constructive criticism? I really want to do my best on here and the comments will be much appreciated!

'Hey Phil!' calls Dan from the front of the new flat.  
'Yes, Dan?' responds his flatmate, Phil.  
'I'm going to the store for Maltesers. Do you want anything while I'm at it?'  
'Maybe some fruit. Like apples or oranges or bananas. And some cereal, I've eaten all of mine and most of yours.'  
Dan smiles.  
Dan and Phil are almost complete opposites. Dan's the moon, constantly getting sucked into the dark abyss of his mind, sometimes unable to get out. Phil is the sun, bright and happy and warm, and the only person that can convince Dan to come out of his dark mind.  
'Come back in thirty minutes. Buffy is on', says Phil.  
'I will. I'm never late, Phil.' And with that, Dan leaves.  
And although Dan says he's getting Maltesers, when he gets to the store, he walks straight past the candy aisle. Chocolate will make him fatter than he already is, and Phil won't love him if he's fat. He does get cereal, apples and pears, though. For Phil. Almost anything for Phil.  
He then walks to the paint aisle. He buys a pack of razors, the kind supposed to be used for scraping unwanted paint from a canvas.  
Dan knows he won't be using those razors for paint.  
He gets back to the flat in exactly thirty minutes. 'See, Phil? I'm never late!' he calls, and Phil laughs from somewhere in the flat. Dan quickly hides the razors in a drawer, where Phil won't look.  
'Yeah, and Buffy is on! Come on, Dan!' Says Phil, as he walks toward where Dan is standing. He's about to pull Dan into the living room, where the TV is, when he notices something. 'Dan, where are your Maltesers?'  
Dan hesitates, then says, 'dammit, I forgot.'  
Phil rolls his eyes, but he's smiling. 'Okay, you big dork. Let's go.' He tugs Dan into the living room.  
'Dan, it's July. Why are you wearing long sleeves? I can turn up the thermostat.'  
'Oh, I'm not cold', says Dan, faking a laugh. 'I just like the feeling of cloth on my arms. It's cozy.' Inside, he's panicking. -Phil can't see my arms Phil can't look Phil will be mad-  
'Alright, weirdo,' chuckles Phil, turning his attention back to the TV. 

 

That night, Dan tells Phil, 'I've got a party to go to.'  
'A party?'  
'Yeah, I ran into an old friend from uni at the store, and he asked me to go to his house for a party. I need to go soon.'  
'Wow, Dan socializing? What's the world gotten to?' jokes Phil.  
'Shut up, you're not much better', laughs Dan.  
'Can I come? I don't like being left alone.'  
'Sorry Phil, but, uh, it's a uni reunion. I don't think I'd be allowed to bring you.' And Dan feels bad about lying to Phil, because there is no party, and he'd never go to a university reunion even if there was one.  
Phil is disappointed. Dan's found other friends. Friends that don't want him to be around Phil. And Phil hates parties, but he only wants to go so he could finally tell Dan how much he meant to him. But instead he smiles brightly and says, 'well, have fun.'  
'Thanks, Phil. I do have to go now. I'm never late, after all.' But when Dan leaves, he discreetly hides the pack of razors in his back pocket and slips a folded piece of paper under his pillow. He's not hesitant. Phil will be glad to watch his fat ass go. He was probably just too nice to say it.

A few hours later, Phil calls Dan. 'Dan, it's getting really late. I'm really worried... when will you be home?'  
'I'll be where I need to be at 11:00, Phil.'  
Phil sighs in relief. Dan sounds sober. 'You... Didn't drink, did you?'  
'No,' laughs Dan.  
'Where are you? It's awfully quiet for a party...'  
'I went outside to take your call, Phil. Otherwise, you wouldn't be able to hear me.'  
'Alright,' says Phil, reassured. '11:00, right?'  
'Relax, Phil. I'm never late,' says Dan. Then he hangs up. 

But Dan doesn't come home that night, and Phil is scared, at first waiting in front of the door for Dan, and when his need to sleep increases, he goes to dans room, instead of his own. He misses Dan, and ends up sleeping there, wrapped up in the black, grey and white checkered blankets, for the scent he's grown used to.  
The next morning, Dan still isn't home. Phil realizes there's a piece of paper underneath Dan's pillow that reads simply, 'Phil'. With shaking hands and tears falling from his eyes, phil unfolds the paper. It reads~

~for Phil~  
Hey. It's me, Dan. I'm not actually going to a party. As you've probably realized by now. I'm going to be gone. Forever. And no, I haven't run away from home. I'll be gone as in dead. And because of that, I have to tell you-  
I love you. I love your smile, your heart, your eyes, your personality, your quirks- I just love you. And I have, for so long now. But you don't, can't, won't love me back. And that's too much for me to bear. Keep making the world a better place, Phil. I don't want a funeral. Just remember me as your best friend. That's all I can ask.  
You really are amazing, Phil.  
With all the love I have to give-  
Daniel Howell 

 

And then Phil is crying. He misses Dan so much, and he can't stand it. Would Dan have stayed if Phil had told him that he loved him earlier? Would he have stayed if Phil had said that he fell in love with him the very day they met? That he was absolutely, totally, completely in love with the dork in the llama hat?  
It was too late now. Too late. And that left an aching hole in Phil's chest, knowing that he could have, should have, done something or said something.  
He stays, crying on Dan's bed, crying into Dan's pillow, until he gets a call from the London Police Department. Phil listens numbly as someone who introduces themselves as Officer Culls tells him that Dan's body had been found last night in the woods, self harm cuts all over his body, and a razor in his hands. He had died from severe blood loss, and stopped breathing at 11:00pm last night.  
11:00pm.  
~'relax, Phil, I'm never late.'~  
~'I'll get where I need to be at 11:00.'~  
Dan never really was late.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really sorry if this one got you in the feels *smoops away*


End file.
